Monday, February 1, 2010

Rough Week

Well, Sunday evening I ended up in the ER because the pain from the headache just got too bad. The dr gave me several shot combinations and nothing really seemed to work. So, he talked to me about a spinal tap, which is what Dan and I had already talked about. We came to the conclusion that a tap is probably what I need to just go ahead and get so we know. A tap is the only way to tell what the pressure is. I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I will need to have my shunt replaced. And that is ok. I am ok with having it redone, losing my hair, and all that comes with having the surgery. I also just want to get it over with. Our youth pastor's wife said she would take some family pictures before I had to have surgery. We then talked about after surgery taking some pictures to just kind of document what it is like. So, I will probably have a spinal tap today or tomorrow. I'l like to have it today and get it over with.

One thing I am really struggling with is why is it every time that I feel God calling me to do something and I say yes, then I get sick. I don't understand. If God wants me to do something then why is he allowing me to get sick. My girls class is supposed to start next Sunday night, and I am so excited about it, but now I am just wondering if I will be able to do it. This is something that has been on my heart for months. I am going to do it no matter how I feel. Dan and I had a long talk about this and he said maybe I am supposed to go ahead and do the class because God is wanting to use me to be an example to others. That if I can do it even in the condition that I am in, then maybe others would be willing to step out on faith and do something that God is calling them to do. I don't know. I just know that it is very frustrating.

One thing really made my day yesterday. There is a young lady in our church named Angeline. She is a young teen about Noah's age. She emailed me and told me that she was praying for me and was praying that I would feel better soon. How sweet is that? It made me cry to think that a young lady took the time to do that. It brings tears to my eyes now. Wow!!! What a young lady! She will never know how deeply that touched my heart.

Samuel was still up when I came home from the hospital. Dan had left to bring the boys home so he and they could get some sleep. My dad came and stayed with me and brought me home. Samuel was still up when I came in. He asked if there was anything that I needed. I told him that I was a bit hungry. He went in the kitchen and made me a chicken patty sandwich(and not in the microwave). Got me something to drink, and made sure I was comfy. He asked if he could lay in the other recliner and sleep, that way he could help me if he needed to. He is so sweet.

Noah has a research paper that he is doing in English Lit. They are studying the Great Depression. He did really good on his grades for the first half of the year. The 1st 9 weeks he made Merit Roll, and the 2nd 9 weeks he moved up to Honor Roll. We have a meeting in a couple of weeks with the community college. Noah has the opportunity to take some college courses over the rest of his high school career. He could graduate high school and be a sophomore in college. It is completely paid for~tuition, books, fees. The only thing that we'd be responsible for would be for getting him there for orientation and tests. The only thing he needs to do is take the compass test and then have his guidence counselor sign off on it. He has the GPA to do it. It would certainly give him a head start. We are praying that we make the right decisions for him. It seems odd when I think about where we are in our lives. Noah is halfway thru his freshman year and thinking and praying about what he wants to do with his life after high school~where God is leading him. He is such a remarkable young man.

I am hoping tomorrow to do a bit of sewing. I want to get some things done that I haven't been able to. I need to redo our wreath on our front door. I want to make an apron and a gardening apron with a front pocket. For the gardening one, I don't have a pattern, I am just going to "wing it". I can't sleep because of all the meds and the headache is just making it impossible.

Praying for a better day tomorrow. I really am looking at the positive in my disease. Attitude is everything and attitude is what keeps me grounded. God keeps me thru it all. I can always feel his presence like he has his arms wrapped around me and holding me thru it all. I don't know why I have this and why my family and I have to go thru this, but I do know, I don't want to miss an opportunity to use my illness as a way to glorify and praise God. I have this for a reason and I may never know why, but I do know that it is for a reason and I need to make sure that I use it to share Christ and let others know that without Christ, life isn't worth living. I need to hold tightly to Him in these times that I get so sick and remember when I am feeling good, I still need to cling to him.